I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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