Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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