whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
