I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
