Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
