i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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