i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
