She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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