I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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