I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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