When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
