now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
