It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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