Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
