the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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