We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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