But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
