bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
