I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
