Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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