i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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