i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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