i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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