I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
