woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do you have feelings for this penis?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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