Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
