OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
