His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
