I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
