Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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