Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
