Need sex. Gaining weight.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
