If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
