that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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