Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
