He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
smell my finger.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
