Please, let me fuck your mom
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
