So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
