Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my being single is dangerous.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do you have feelings for this penis?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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