She is in my trunk
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
