When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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