Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize