made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
