Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
