I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
