Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
