I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
