Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
