Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
