I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
